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Confessions Of A Church Girl

 

I sat on the brown wooden bench day after day, week after week, month after month and it was always the same. A cycle of being buried in so many things as the life in me got sucked out slowly. I spent my days attending one meeting after the other in the name of serving God but at the end of the day, I’d get up on my bed and cry myself to sleep. For despite everything I did, I was left feeling hollow, tired and empty.

Service had become the center of my life. It was all I did. It was who I’d become. I remember joining campus with a hunger for God. I loved Him and all I wanted to do was to be with Him and please Him but somewhere along the way, I took a small detour. I mixed up a few things. What was once a love relation turned into an obligation. Instead of walking with Him, I started working for Him. I filled my days with an itinerary of church activities. On Monday I was leading  evening prayers in church. Tuesday I was attending a meeting for bible study leaders. Wednesday I was leading the bible study. Thursday I was attending a meeting for praise and worship members. Friday was leaders meeting. Saturday was practice for the Sunday service, and on Sunday, well, let’s just say that Sunday was the day I would go all out in putting on the perfect fake smile and the ‘I’m happy in the Lord’ face for people. Not forgetting the insecurities I was battling with. On the outside, everything seemed great and people praised me. I was playing by the rules. The good church girl serving with diligence, always on time and present for every meeting, fellowship, seminar, you name it. But deep inside I was suffocating. I felt like I was in a cage whose door was open but I couldn’t get out. It reached a point where I wished I was an unbeliever. They appeared to be free and happy, which is paradoxical because in Christ is where true freedom is. I guess I was a free prisoner.

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Service was choking my life and  my intimacy with God and even when I did pray or read the word I did it because I had to.Many are the times the thought of stepping down would cross my mind but I would brush it off with a ‘What will people say or think’ question. I was afraid that God would be upset as well. My turning point came when one day I took my bible and opened Luke 10:38-42, a story about two sisters called Martha and Mary. Jesus had visited them and Mary was sitting at the feet of Jesus listening to His beautiful, life-giving words while Martha, was distracted and busy serving. Out of frustration she went to Jesus and said ‘Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do all the work by myself? Tell her to help me. ‘Martha, Martha,’ Jesus answered. ‘You are worried and upset about many things but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better and it will not be taken from her.

That was my ‘light bulb’ moment. I too had become like Martha . Drowned in service and frustrated by it but holding on for I was too afraid of what people would think. To cut the story short, I relinquished every leadership title I had when I resumed school this year. I took a bold step of stepping off the throne and letting God lead and direct me. Please note however that I’m not implying that service to God is wrong or everyone you see in church serving is faking it. Service is great. But I have learnt that it should be out an overflow of your intimate relationship with God. It should never be done because so and so says you fit best in ushering or praise team or wherever. It should be as He instructs. Psalms 32:8a, I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go. He places each of us in the area that befits us. For some it’s preaching, poetry or music. For others it’s through the career path He’s placed us at. Be it teaching, medicine, writing, engineering or journalism; wherever He’s placed you is the platform to serve Him from and shine the light that He’s put in you. And as you walk with Him He’ll direct you on how to serve Him.

 

I don’t have it all figured out though. I’m just penning down my thoughts and experiences with the hope that someone will learn something and evade some of the land mines I’ve stepped on. Let God be first in your life my dear. And whichever move He tells you to take, no matter how crazy it might seem, take it. Stepping down from mainstream service was a hard thing for me to do. One that was, and still is, met by a lot of condemnation from people, but it’s one I don’t regret. The peace and freedom that I’m experiencing as He leads and holds my hand is priceless. Your walk with God is what matters most, and His voice should be the only one that you hearken to.

 

 

Point O Photography

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Love & Blessings
132 Responses
  • Senaida Gann
    October 2, 2017

    Thanks for ones marvelous posting! I quite enjoyed reading it, you can be a great author.I will ensure that I bookmark your blog and definitely will come back very soon. I want to encourage you to ultimately continue your great writing, have a nice holiday weekend!

  • K Marie
    January 25, 2017

    Inspiring. I just subscribed. I look forward to reading more.

  • K Marie
    January 25, 2017

    Inspiring. I just subscribed. I look forward to reading more.

  • Purity Kendi
    December 3, 2016

    wooow ..
    what a message.
    Its really inspring.
    I love it all

  • Purity Kendi
    December 3, 2016

    wooow ..
    what a message.
    Its really inspring.
    I love it all

  • Purity Kendi
    December 3, 2016

    wooow ..
    what a message.
    Its really inspring.
    I love it all

  • Hudson Maina
    July 9, 2016

    Nice work. God has truly blessed you and may you continue using your gift to bless us.

  • Hudson Maina
    July 9, 2016

    Nice work. God has truly blessed you and may you continue using your gift to bless us.

  • Hudson Maina
    July 9, 2016

    Nice work. God has truly blessed you and may you continue using your gift to bless us.

  • Wathoni Wamutitu
    July 9, 2016

    This has really spoken to me..
    Amen Amen…. True true….

  • Wathoni Wamutitu
    July 9, 2016

    This has really spoken to me..
    Amen Amen…. True true….

  • Wathoni Wamutitu
    July 9, 2016

    This has really spoken to me..
    Amen Amen…. True true….

  • Israel Gathiari
    May 27, 2016

    When you talk of baby steps i feel that is so much of an understatement… My dear you have a gift and i so love the fact that it is God inspired. May the Good Lord strenthen you and keep you… Am so honored and wowed… Be blessed. A touched soul

    • Ivy Koome
      May 27, 2016

      Wow. You have touched my soul too Israel. God bless you. Thanks

  • Israel Gathiari
    May 27, 2016

    When you talk of baby steps i feel that is so much of an understatement… My dear you have a gift and i so love the fact that it is God inspired. May the Good Lord strenthen you and keep you… Am so honored and wowed… Be blessed. A touched soul

  • Silas
    May 25, 2016

    Great piece. A moment of resolution and break from church involvement cures burn out. the christian walk and life is a journey abd not a sprint tobe completed hurriedly.

  • Silas
    May 25, 2016

    Great piece. A moment of resolution and break from church involvement cures burn out. the christian walk and life is a journey abd not a sprint tobe completed hurriedly.

  • josnduati
    May 4, 2016

    Your choice of words is totally dope for lack of a better word 🙂 free prisoner :).Im blessed by the article and I totally feel you.Keep writing! Nice work bubbles

  • josnduati
    May 4, 2016

    Your choice of words is totally dope for lack of a better word 🙂 free prisoner :).Im blessed by the article and I totally feel you.Keep writing! Nice work bubbles

  • josnduati
    May 4, 2016

    Your choice of words is totally dope for lack of a better word 🙂 free prisoner :).Im blessed by the article and I totally feel you.Keep writing! Nice work bubbles

  • josephine ngigi
    May 1, 2016

    True true…God comes first above everything else.

    Thankyou for this great eye-opener
    God bless you!!!

    • adornedwomanke
      May 1, 2016

      Thank you for taking the time to read dear. May He continuously guide you..

  • josephine ngigi
    May 1, 2016

    True true…God comes first above everything else.

    Thankyou for this great eye-opener
    God bless you!!!

  • bazleugene
    April 30, 2016

    The lost art of wearing your heart on your sleeve, a very honest post.

    Thank you for showing we are mere humans and Christ is the only hero in his Church.

  • bazleugene
    April 30, 2016

    The lost art of wearing your heart on your sleeve, a very honest post.

    Thank you for showing we are mere humans and Christ is the only hero in his Church.

  • Peterson Kirui
    April 29, 2016

    Awesome piece you have delivered many going through the same situation. What I see here is being true to self and always seeking God on purpose .Total Spiritual maturity. May God bless you

    • adornedwomanke
      April 29, 2016

      Glory to God. Thanks Peter

    • adornedwomanke
      April 29, 2016

      Glory to God. Thanks alot Peter

      • J.B
        May 16, 2016

        I bless God for u.. U are a powerful minister of His word.. I like how he has used you even on this platform.. Be real to Him He will be real to you… I love the work done here ..

  • Peterson Kirui
    April 29, 2016

    Awesome piece you have delivered many going through the same situation. What I see here is being true to self and always seeking God on purpose .Total Spiritual maturity. May God bless you

    • adornedwomanke
      April 29, 2016

      Glory to God. Thanks alot Peter

      • J.B
        May 16, 2016

        I bless God for u.. U are a powerful minister of His word.. I like how he has used you even on this platform.. Be real to Him He will be real to you… I love the work done here ..

  • bwaynemike
    April 28, 2016

    I like how your writing unfolds..ivy you good.

  • bwaynemike
    April 28, 2016

    I like how your writing unfolds..ivy you good.

  • Grace Koome
    April 28, 2016

    Bless the Lord oh my soul and do not forget His benefits….Psalms 103:1-5. That’s my reaction to to what God is doing through you dear. Now I understand more Gods word to you that new year day family Kesha n supportive word that He is doing a new thing and we will sing a new song. Ref. Rev. 21:5,Isaiah 43:18. and Psalms 149::1. Keep up it up dear .

  • Grace Koome
    April 28, 2016

    Bless the Lord oh my soul and do not forget His benefits….Psalms 103:1-5. That’s my reaction to to what God is doing through you dear. Now I understand more Gods word to you that new year day family Kesha n supportive word that He is doing a new thing and we will sing a new song. Ref. Rev. 21:5,Isaiah 43:18. and Psalms 149::1. Keep up it up dear .

  • DenrocB
    April 28, 2016

    I attest to this.

  • DenrocB
    April 28, 2016

    I attest to this.

  • DenrocB
    April 28, 2016

    I attest to your mind.

  • DenrocB
    April 28, 2016

    I attest to your mind.

  • Sarah
    April 27, 2016

    Good work ivy. Really inspiring! ☺ ☺

  • Sarah
    April 27, 2016

    Good work ivy. Really inspiring! ☺ ☺

  • Sarah
    April 27, 2016

    Good work ivy. Really inspiring! ☺ ☺

  • Susan
    April 27, 2016

    Am challenged…..Thanks Ivy…

    May God continue using you.

  • Susan
    April 27, 2016

    Am challenged…..Thanks Ivy…

    May God continue using you.

  • beatrice
    April 27, 2016

    wow that’s great n probably hardly addressed.. I have had a similar experience and I agree one really feels hollow and empty @ some point.But you nailed it…that “service should be an outflow of your intimate relationship with Him”.

  • beatrice
    April 27, 2016

    wow that’s great n probably hardly addressed.. I have had a similar experience and I agree one really feels hollow and empty @ some point.But you nailed it…that “service should be an outflow of your intimate relationship with Him”.

  • Amunala
    April 27, 2016

    I read it and be sure I enjoyed every bit of it.Am inspired.

  • Amunala
    April 27, 2016

    I read it and be sure I enjoyed every bit of it.Am inspired.

  • Belinda
    April 27, 2016

    That’s a good land mine you’ve stepped on, for the sake of other brethren. I believe free prisoners are many due to the fear of how will I look, and even self condemnation, and end up missing out on enjoying being at Gods feet. Mary in my opinion must have been serving too but she did enjoy CHrist feet and that couldn’t be taken away from her. Thank you

  • Belinda
    April 27, 2016

    That’s a good land mine you’ve stepped on, for the sake of other brethren. I believe free prisoners are many due to the fear of how will I look, and even self condemnation, and end up missing out on enjoying being at Gods feet. Mary in my opinion must have been serving too but she did enjoy CHrist feet and that couldn’t be taken away from her. Thank you

  • tommutati
    April 27, 2016

    Have you ever read a story and you are like this touches you in a way. I like the way you’ve toyed around with your words. The work is all good.

  • tommutati
    April 27, 2016

    Have you ever read a story and you are like this touches you in a way. I like the way you’ve toyed around with your words. The work is all good.

  • Judah Ben-Hur
    April 27, 2016

    religion and Jesus are two different things.. Jesus gave us a religion to free us and not to enslave us….
    nice move Ivy

  • Judah Ben-Hur
    April 27, 2016

    religion and Jesus are two different things.. Jesus gave us a religion to free us and not to enslave us….
    nice move Ivy

  • R.M
    April 27, 2016

    May your path of self discovery continue on.In truth,it is until we take a step back that God manifests.Best wishes.
    R.M

  • R.M
    April 27, 2016

    May your path of self discovery continue on.In truth,it is until we take a step back that God manifests.Best wishes.
    R.M

  • CindyRonoh
    April 27, 2016

    I love how you’ve put it.Wise words right there Ivy!!!

  • Ferdy
    April 27, 2016

    Ivy i admire the wisdom and courage in you…God will bless your work…free prisoner is my punch line

  • Evans
    April 27, 2016

    Good read,well articulated

  • mmmicheni
    April 26, 2016

    Wow!! I’m amazed by the wonderful lesson that the Lord has taught you! Very many fall in that pit of endless service without enough time to rejuvenate themselves by drinking upon the source of living water who is Christ… May you continually seek Him, and may He continue to direct your paths! God bless you, and looking forward to seeing you soon.

  • Cynthia
    April 26, 2016

    So inspiring… keep up with the good work Ivy. I love it.

  • sohojiambo
    April 26, 2016

    Nice one up there. keep it up!

  • gideon kiprono
    April 26, 2016

    I donno but I feel you are in the right place , I feel this is what you are supposed to be doing I mean this the Ivy that is Ivy , ha ha reading that makes me feel like im listening to your heart speak and thats from The Lord God bless you Ivy without a doubt I have an inner sensation that through this God will reach many out there , I also feel inspired I just want to do poetry like crazy. I also love this its stood out for me Service is great. But I
    have learnt that it should be out an overflow
    of your intimate relationship with God.

  • Isaiah (@mcmanuar)
    April 26, 2016

    awesome piece… I have read lots of blog stories but this is more than just a story, a testimony that’s well articulated. Freedom in Christ!

  • omathvictor
    April 26, 2016

    Am challenged honestly, let’s do things that don’t make us look like we’re enslaving ourselves.

  • Aburi
    April 26, 2016

    So true,God is not looking for people to work FOR Him but WITH Him.i.e,as you put it,to walk with Him.quite awakening,great job!

  • Bob Ayoti
    April 26, 2016

    “I guess I was a free prisoner”….. ” from walking with God to working for God “…. Hehe… For me those two really stood out and spoke to what is so dear me… True freedom in Christ Jesus. Brilliant piece that resonates with what is relevant to the modern day christian. Kudos my dear. You were born to affect the masses through writing. Keep on doing this. God bless

  • Alice Amaya
    April 26, 2016

    Can’t get enough of the article. Very nice topic that resonates with most of us. Let God be number one. Ivy you were born to write. What!

  • lialijoseph
    April 26, 2016

    Wow, this is awesome. Many go through it but the few willing to admit it are the few who finally find freedom. Ati a free prisoner, hehe. So describes many of us. Amazing Ivy, and you such a story teller. Beautiful also how God makes everything work out for good. Your experience was one you wish you never had, but how it’s helpful now to many and to yourself makes it a worthy struggle to have gone through. Keep going sis, even if we all should fall somewhere along the way, don’t you stop

    • adornedwomanke
      April 26, 2016

      Thank you dear. Very true. Its an experience I didn’t enjoy the experience but the lessons He has taught me are worth it.

    • adornedwomanke
      May 1, 2016

      Thank you for taking the time to read dear. May He continuously guide you..

  • Purity Chelang'at
    April 26, 2016

    Thats what is happening to many believers we must always seek to be at Jesus feet .Thanks Ivy

  • TOP SPOT
    April 26, 2016

    I am satisfied..asanta sana! The take is very impressive.that you are not looking for Validation.

  • Lazarus Nadebu
    April 26, 2016

    Wow! I like the way you chose your title,very attractive indeed.
    Hehe. I expected to see a lady standing in front of the church and confess something malice she did to a fellow human. Anyway that’s how journalists choose their words to make sure the audience have a look.
    “From walking with Him to working for him” is a statement that really made me smile.

    Wonderful piece. Keep writing

    • adornedwomanke
      April 26, 2016

      Hahaha… yes. Thank you dear

      • J.B
        May 16, 2016

        I bless God for u.. U are a powerful minister of His word.. I like how he has used you even on this platform.. Be real to Him He will be real to you… I love the work done here ..

  • elisha
    April 26, 2016

    When one touches on issues tied to spiritual life I feel elated and at peace. Ivy I must say that your blog is really awakening and rejuvenating on retarding spiritual growth. I love it.

  • winfreywanjiru
    April 26, 2016

    I see you touching on a subject I like, ‘Authenticity’. I admire your love for the word of God. Always refreshing to read your articles dear 😇

  • Royalty
    April 26, 2016

    Amazing. .and very true…May the LORD guide you as He wills.

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