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My First Heartbreak

 

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To me, he was the greatest man alive. He was my hero. My life. My everything. He was the first man I ever loved. The first man who ever showed me love; for the short time that he did.

I remember sitting by the window every Friday, excited like a little kitten, waiting for him. The minute I saw him enter the gate, I would dash out like a lightning bolt shouting “daddy! daddy!” and pounce on him. He would then carry me in his arms and into the house as I asked “daddy umeniletea nini?” Weekends were the best for me; that’s the time he’d come home from the big city where he worked. Of course, the next week would be spent bragging to friends about the gifts he’d brought. Thanks to him I had a collection of every toy a kid can dream of; Susan, the doll with her own  bed and pacifier, a remote controlled airplane and a red harmonica that gave everyone migraines whenever I played it.

I loved sitting on his lap and pulling the little hairs on his beard. I loved the times he’d pretend to be a horse and carry my sister and I on his back as we sang” farasi kongoriko wawili tereza”, after which he’d drop us on the carpet at the end of the song. And we’d laugh and laugh and ask for another round. It was amazing.

But, sadly, that didn’t last too long. He found a new love. One who was demanding and selfish. And with time, the one two bottles he’d take on Saturdays became one too many. Eventually, it turned him from the hero I adored, to a villain I feared.

 

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See that’s the thing about us girls. A dad means the world. He is the first man in our life. The first man who gets a shot at showing us who a man really is. He gives us the definition of a man. And not the textbook one. The real life, practical one.

He is the one who teaches us how to tie our shoe lace and ride a bike. How to swim and do math homework.  He is the one who sets the standard for the man, or men, we allow in our lives.The man supposed to tell us how beautiful we are, the way we are, before another comes and feeds us with lies of what beautiful is.

Or at least that’s how I imagine it.

Unfortunately, the man I first loved turned into a stranger. A stranger who did nothing but hurl insults at my mom, sisters and I. A stranger who made us spend sleepless nights when he arrived home at 3 am and quarreled for the rest of the ‘night’. Who gave no care to whether or not we ate or went to school. Life can change overnight. People change overnight.

He broke my heart, but the day  I heard him say he wished my mother gave birth to boys because girls are worthless, he crushed my heart. The day he put my beautiful mother in hospital, almost costing her life, he crushed my heart.

The definition I had of my amazing dad was tarnished. I no longer sat down by the window waiting for him. Instead, I lay in bed petrified, praying and hoping he wouldn’t come home.

And as I grew up, the hate and bitterness in my heart grew as well. To the point where just the mere mention of his name or thought of him, made me feel pain. Real pain in my heart

And it went on for a long time, until I found the man.

The man who replaced what I thought was impossible to replace.  The man who taught me my value as a woman. The man who defined to me who a real man is. The man who set a standard for the man I’ll allow in my life. Better still, the man who taught me how to let go and forgive this man who broke my heart.

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At times I sit down and look out my window, as I reminisce, and a part of me is thankful that life turned out as it did. For out of my heartbreak, I found God. I not only found him but with Him we developed a beautiful intimate relationship . I spent my days crying over the pain of my experience, that this post barely describes, and he held and comforted me through it all. There are days I literally felt like he was hugging me as I cried out to him in bitterness. And eventually, with time, the pain subsided and I forgave him. I even call him these days and before I hang up I tell him how much I love him. And I do.

But most importantly I found God. I found a father.

I know fellow girls whose self esteem was ruined by their dads, some who’ve never met the guy and some who were even molested. And it can mar a girl’s life in all kinds of ways. Some end up hating men, others in relationships with men who are an exact replica of their dads. Others live like prisoners chained by unforgiveness and bitterness.

 I can’t say that I totally understand you, because it’s never the same for any of us. I can’t feel what you feel. You can’t feel what I feel. But I know of a man who completely understands what you feel. Who knows the depths of your heart. That man can heal the hurt and restore that relationship you never had. In Him you’ll find a father and a friend, a confidant and a comforter.

I found that man. I found Jesus and He changed my life. And guess what, He can do the same for you.

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Love & Blessings
193 Responses
  • Julianne May
    November 12, 2016

    So inspiring!!

  • Julianne May
    November 12, 2016

    So inspiring!!

  • Miss Unattached
    October 15, 2016

    We are so so similar, feel free to check out my pieces

  • Miss Unattached
    October 15, 2016

    We are so so similar, feel free to check out my pieces

  • alexisunwalla
    September 5, 2016

    This was just beautiful. I just published a short little piece on heartbreak and regrowth, feel free to check it out! https://youthsgonewonky.com/2016/09/05/rotation/

  • alexisunwalla
    September 5, 2016

    This was just beautiful. I just published a short little piece on heartbreak and regrowth, feel free to check it out! https://youthsgonewonky.com/2016/09/05/rotation/

  • vane
    August 1, 2016

    wow!! You so amazing Ivy… keep it up and may God continue giving you wisdom in motivating more people.

  • vane
    August 1, 2016

    wow!! You so amazing Ivy… keep it up and may God continue giving you wisdom in motivating more people.

  • Wathoni Wamutitu
    July 9, 2016

    On the point….

  • Wathoni Wamutitu
    July 9, 2016

    On the point….

  • Wathoni Wamutitu
    July 9, 2016

    On the point….

  • thecommunicatormu
    June 16, 2016

    Reblogged this on THE COMMUNICATOR-MOI UNIVERSITY.

  • thecommunicatormu
    June 16, 2016

    Reblogged this on THE COMMUNICATOR-MOI UNIVERSITY.

  • thecommunicatormu
    June 16, 2016

    Reblogged this on THE COMMUNICATOR-MOI UNIVERSITY.

  • perps
    May 28, 2016

    Ivy such a wonderful n inspiring piece.God bless

  • perps
    May 28, 2016

    Ivy such a wonderful n inspiring piece.God bless

  • perps
    May 28, 2016

    Ivy such a wonderful n inspiring piece.God bless

  • Cate wambiru
    May 23, 2016

    IVY this is so powerful. Abuse is so much real and many girls live unfulfilled lives due to anger and bitterness. But you sharing your story so articulately will definitely change a woman’s perspective on this issue. May God continue to use you to raise the standard among the nations!

    • Ivy Koome
      May 23, 2016

      Amen. Thanks a lot dear. Nice to hear from you 🙂

  • Cate wambiru
    May 23, 2016

    IVY this is so powerful. Abuse is so much real and many girls live unfulfilled lives due to anger and bitterness. But you sharing your story so articulately will definitely change a woman’s perspective on this issue. May God continue to use you to raise the standard among the nations!

  • Joy
    May 17, 2016

    Mmmmh go gal.awesome piece of advise you have there.me love it…blessings…

  • Joy
    May 17, 2016

    Mmmmh go gal.awesome piece of advise you have there.me love it…blessings…

  • Alice Amaya
    May 17, 2016

    Wow Ivy. I totally relate. Until just the other day I hadn’t forgiven him but thank God for God. He enabled me to n now am free. Am glad you are free and happy. Very nice piece. So uplifting. Favour n beauty surrounds you girl. You are immensely blessed to be a blessing

  • Alice Amaya
    May 17, 2016

    Wow Ivy. I totally relate. Until just the other day I hadn’t forgiven him but thank God for God. He enabled me to n now am free. Am glad you are free and happy. Very nice piece. So uplifting. Favour n beauty surrounds you girl. You are immensely blessed to be a blessing

  • Pauline Soy
    May 17, 2016

    very inspiring Ivy. Glad you found the man

  • Pauline Soy
    May 17, 2016

    very inspiring Ivy. Glad you found the man

  • Pauline Soy
    May 17, 2016

    very inspiring Ivy. Glad you found the man

  • Alex
    May 17, 2016

    You Ivy this is maybe the best piece of writing i have read the whole of this Month, and you’ve got such an awesome gift. Keep on and for sure, am officially a member in this blog, for i will keep checking them out. Big up!

    • Ivy Koome
      May 17, 2016

      Thank you Alex. 🙂 You have brightened my day

  • Alex
    May 17, 2016

    You Ivy this is maybe the best piece of writing i have read the whole of this Month, and you’ve got such an awesome gift. Keep on and for sure, am officially a member in this blog, for i will keep checking them out. Big up!

    • Ivy Koome
      May 17, 2016

      Thank you Alex. 🙂 You have brightened my day

  • Alex
    May 17, 2016

    You Ivy this is maybe the best piece of writing i have read the whole of this Month, and you’ve got such an awesome gift. Keep on and for sure, am officially a member in this blog, for i will keep checking them out. Big up!

    • Ivy Koome
      May 17, 2016

      Thank you Alex. 🙂 You have brightened my day

  • davidmuiru
    May 17, 2016

    My only joy is the happiness you found. Forget your troubles and smile! There’s no reason not to.

  • davidmuiru
    May 17, 2016

    My only joy is the happiness you found. Forget your troubles and smile! There’s no reason not to.

  • gachunjindathe
    May 17, 2016

    Great work Ivy. This is a blessing to all of us.

  • gachunjindathe
    May 17, 2016

    Great work Ivy. This is a blessing to all of us.

  • Merryl Tessy
    May 17, 2016

    Great job princess, keep it burning.

  • Merryl Tessy
    May 17, 2016

    Great job princess, keep it burning.

  • isaiah O Manyala
    May 17, 2016

    so sad though…but this is too an awesome art piece well executed with biblical insights.

  • isaiah O Manyala
    May 17, 2016

    so sad though…but this is too an awesome art piece well executed with biblical insights.

  • Caleb Mathuva
    May 16, 2016

    wow… i admire your courage sharing this. it is surely not easy to share such experiences but i am glad you let God use that experience to bring glory to Himself. May God bless you Ivy

    • Ivy Koome
      May 17, 2016

      Amen. Thank you dear. God bless you too

  • Caleb Mathuva
    May 16, 2016

    wow… i admire your courage sharing this. it is surely not easy to share such experiences but i am glad you let God use that experience to bring glory to Himself. May God bless you Ivy

    • Ivy Koome
      May 17, 2016

      Amen. Thank you dear. God bless you too

  • kennethngatia
    May 16, 2016

    Ivy am sorry… but the God thing is that you found Jesus

  • kennethngatia
    May 16, 2016

    Ivy am sorry… but the God thing is that you found Jesus

  • Grace Koome
    May 16, 2016

    Isaiah 54:13 And I the Lord shall teach your children; and great shall be the peace of your children. ????????????. Sincerely God has kept this promise to me concerning you Ivy and your siblings I believe this story will encourage not only young people but mothers in a similar situation. To God who has brought us this far be all the glory in Jesus name.

    • Ivy Koome
      May 16, 2016

      Amen. Thanks a lot mommy. I appreciate

    • Belinda
      May 16, 2016

      True mom

  • Grace Koome
    May 16, 2016

    Isaiah 54:13 And I the Lord shall teach your children; and great shall be the peace of your children. ????????????. Sincerely God has kept this promise to me concerning you Ivy and your siblings I believe this story will encourage not only young people but mothers in a similar situation. To God who has brought us this far be all the glory in Jesus name.

  • Soh ojiambo
    May 16, 2016

    off course you found The Man! Should I say more? Noo. Keep it up.

  • Soh ojiambo
    May 16, 2016

    off course you found The Man! Should I say more? Noo. Keep it up.

  • Lazarus Nadebu
    May 16, 2016

    Hehe, Ivy you will finish us with these headlines you pick. We’re rushy to check the contents, we end up being motivated and encouraged to read the good and reality pieces you do write.
    Sorry anyway for the Daddy’s heartbreak.
    Keep writing anyway

  • Lazarus Nadebu
    May 16, 2016

    Hehe, Ivy you will finish us with these headlines you pick. We’re rushy to check the contents, we end up being motivated and encouraged to read the good and reality pieces you do write.
    Sorry anyway for the Daddy’s heartbreak.
    Keep writing anyway

  • Isaiah Manyala
    May 16, 2016

    nice art here as well as the love of God well articulated. God bless you Ivy.

  • Isaiah Manyala
    May 16, 2016

    nice art here as well as the love of God well articulated. God bless you Ivy.

  • Denise Brian
    May 16, 2016

    Ivy!Ivy!Ivy! Exemplary is the word!! So encouraging.

  • Denise Brian
    May 16, 2016

    Ivy!Ivy!Ivy! Exemplary is the word!! So encouraging.

  • Wayne
    May 16, 2016

    Amazing piece lf article. Its quite a sensation.

  • Wayne
    May 16, 2016

    Amazing piece lf article. Its quite a sensation.

  • Wayne
    May 16, 2016

    Amazing piece lf article. Its quite a sensation.

  • maggy
    May 16, 2016

    Great! I love it.

  • maggy
    May 16, 2016

    Great! I love it.

  • maggy
    May 16, 2016

    Great! I love it.

  • viona
    May 16, 2016

    nice article there

  • viona
    May 16, 2016

    nice article there

  • viona
    May 16, 2016

    nice article there

  • christinenkatha
    May 16, 2016

    Waoooo nice piece kamum. God is the provider

  • christinenkatha
    May 16, 2016

    Waoooo nice piece kamum. God is the provider

  • christinenkatha
    May 16, 2016

    Waoooo nice piece kamum. God is the provider

  • Kelvin Ndambuki
    May 16, 2016

    A sensentional piece Ivy..it had me emotionally connected all through

  • Kelvin Ndambuki
    May 16, 2016

    A sensentional piece Ivy..it had me emotionally connected all through

  • Kelvin Ndambuki
    May 16, 2016

    A sensentional piece Ivy..it had me emotionally connected all through

  • Joy
    May 16, 2016

    Reading this makes me shed a tear. I have been through this and I know how it can mess a girls life. My life was full of bitterness and at some point I even prayed for him to die.
    Truly Christ can change you if not him.
    Ladies font turn to men bit turn to God. He is a Father to the fatherless.

    • Ivy Koome
      May 16, 2016

      How wonderful it is when we go through a hurdle and find comfort from others who’ve been through the same, Thanks for reading and sharing that with me dear. God bless and may he continue being the father you never had

  • Joy
    May 16, 2016

    Reading this makes me shed a tear. I have been through this and I know how it can mess a girls life. My life was full of bitterness and at some point I even prayed for him to die.
    Truly Christ can change you if not him.
    Ladies font turn to men bit turn to God. He is a Father to the fatherless.

    • Ivy Koome
      May 16, 2016

      How wonderful it is when we go through a hurdle and find comfort from others who’ve been through the same, Thanks for reading and sharing that with me dear. God bless and may he continue being the father you never had

  • Joy
    May 16, 2016

    Reading this makes me shed a tear. I have been through this and I know how it can mess a girls life. My life was full of bitterness and at some point I even prayed for him to die.
    Truly Christ can change you if not him.
    Ladies font turn to men bit turn to God. He is a Father to the fatherless.

    • Ivy Koome
      May 16, 2016

      How wonderful it is when we go through a hurdle and find comfort from others who’ve been through the same, Thanks for reading and sharing that with me dear. God bless and may he continue being the father you never had

  • shirokuriah
    May 16, 2016

    wow this is amazing . i love this piece . i love how you tell the story . your are truly an amazing writer. i love the flow as well

  • shirokuriah
    May 16, 2016

    wow this is amazing . i love this piece . i love how you tell the story . your are truly an amazing writer. i love the flow as well

  • shirokuriah
    May 16, 2016

    wow this is amazing . i love this piece . i love how you tell the story . your are truly an amazing writer.

  • shirokuriah
    May 16, 2016

    wow this is amazing . i love this piece . i love how you tell the story . your are truly an amazing writer.

  • Maestrofficial
    May 16, 2016

    It’s all about Him at the end of day.
    May He get the Glory and the Honour in your life dear.
    Stay Blessed.

  • Maestrofficial
    May 16, 2016

    It’s all about Him at the end of day.
    May He get the Glory and the Honour in your life dear.
    Stay Blessed.

  • Maestrofficial
    May 16, 2016

    It’s all about Him at the end of day.
    May He get the Glory and the Honour in your life dear.
    Stay Blessed.

  • onserio
    May 16, 2016

    Motivating…keep it up Ivy

  • onserio
    May 16, 2016

    Motivating…keep it up Ivy

  • RuthyStevens
    May 16, 2016

    Takes alot of courage to write such a piece. Its inspiring. Keep it up.

  • RuthyStevens
    May 16, 2016

    Takes alot of courage to write such a piece. Its inspiring. Keep it up.

  • tyra
    May 16, 2016

    i love the blog actually.
    i see the pure facts in it

  • tyra
    May 16, 2016

    i love the blog actually.
    i see the pure facts in it

  • ojijodox
    May 16, 2016

    I love this piece darling its soooooo adorable and sweet and touching and i love it

  • ojijodox
    May 16, 2016

    I love this piece darling its soooooo adorable and sweet and touching and i love it

  • Juma Bernard
    May 16, 2016

    This is building.. Keep it up siz

  • Juma Bernard
    May 16, 2016

    This is building.. Keep it up siz

  • Juma Bernard
    May 16, 2016

    A commendable job siz.. May God grace you..

  • Juma Bernard
    May 16, 2016

    A commendable job siz.. May God grace you..

  • I'M EMM
    May 16, 2016

    Wow that’s touching Ivy,,I like it,inspiring indeed.

  • Isla Washiali
    May 16, 2016

    Captivating. I love this Ivy…

  • Bob ayoti
    May 16, 2016

    how refreshing for someone to boldly, sincerely and articulately share a script that most of us if not all identify with.i personally identify with that. You are a breath of fresh air ivy kananu. keep up girl.

  • bwaynemike
    May 16, 2016

    Wow! This is such an inspiration to any girl who missed out on that first love…
    And a lesson to all men..
    Its relatable to lots of people and it will touch many lives out there..

    Congrats Ivy ..

  • […] I will use my last week to elaborate. I had a bizarre week. It was a camouflaging time(its not really the first time).  I could be super happy and in love with the world one minute and hopelessly staring at nothing through my window the next minute. (I think I have a thing with windows, refer to this, My First Heartbreak) […]

  • […] I will use my last week to elaborate. I had a bizarre week. It was a camouflaging time(its not really the first time).  I could be super happy and in love with the world one minute and hopelessly staring at nothing through my window the next minute. (I think I have a thing with windows, refer to this, My First Heartbreak) […]

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