I remember it clearly. That bright sunny Sunday afternoon. I was wearing my grey pleated skirt, a white blouse, socks and black bata shoes. I should have had my tie on too, but I hated ties. Still do. They made me feel like a goat tethered to a tree.
I am not sure that I fully understood what I was doing at the time; I just knew that I had to do it. I was in form four then and that particular Sunday was the culmination of our weekend challenge. The lady preaching was a strikingly beautiful woman who talked to us about how she had made a vow to God and had finished campus and gotten married while still a virgin. At the end of the sermon, she asked us all bow our heads and close our eyes. Then she said, “If you would like to make a vow to God that you will abide by His word and not have sex before marriage, please stand up.” I remember hesitating at first but finally I stood up and made that vow to God. I promised to keep His temple pure.
When I stood to make that vow, I don’t think I thought about what it meant. I only thought about the final part of sex. I didn’t actually realize that the tight hugs, kissing – are all a part of it. It’s a whole process of collecting the wood, preparing the ground, lighting the matchbox and eventually creating a fire. A consuming fire whose embers cannot be quenched.
So when I later started dating I kept in mind the vow, but I didn’t set standards for the‘small’ things like making out. I was like, “we’ll just kiss kidogo and then we’ll stop and say goodbye. We won’t touch or undress. It will just be a subtle way of expressing our love.” Ha! Worst move of my life.
Slowly that kissing became too mild to satisfy the cravings within. It soon graduated to a little holding, a little touching here and there. And every time while fooling around, we would gasp and be like “ Gosh! What are we doing? Let’s stop!” After which we would feel guilty, promise each other that we won’t do it again but still do it again the next time.
See when you are born again, the Holy Spirit always warns you. Before you do something, you will know if it is wrong or right. And I knew in the heart of my hearts that the small compromises were wrong, but I ignored. And every time after fooling around, I would be overwhelmed with guilt and do what Adam did. Hide! I would hide from God.I would go for days without reading the word and praying but eventually He would come looking for me and I would say “God I’m sorry, I won’t do it again. And a few days later I would be on my phone texting bae to come over for pancakes.
The cycle went on and on and with days I realized I was sinking deeper. My conscience was being seared. And Eventually, I realized that if I kept at it, one day with the perfect mood and setting, I would eventually give in and have sex.
So one day, I woke up and God reminded me of a verse I had been ignoring deliberately- 1 Corinthians 6:18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own. A few days later, I gathered all the strength in me and I broke it off.
It had to be God, or me and my desires.
Honestly, I battled with God to write this. I didn’t want to air out my baggage to the world. But I think it’s important that I do. Because many of us are going through this and if pretending that we are all perfect and good won’t help.
So to my precious little sisters, Sandra, Lauryn and Favour. To my cousins, nieces, nephews and buddies, to you who reading this article and is struggling to stay pure and you who is already in it and wants out;
The road to sex begins with that innocent little kiss. Paul in 1 Thessalonians 5:2 says “Avoid the very appearance of sin” That means you keep away from anything that appears or resembles sin. In God’s eyes, no sin is greater than the other.
Sin is sin! If you don’t want to get burnt, don’t light the fire.
If you are in such a situation, my advice is this. RUN! Take off as fast as you can and run towards God. Your soul is more precious than a few seconds of pleasure.And even if you’ve lost your virginity, don’t worry, our God forgives and He restores. Run to Him! He is able to give you a new start.
I can’t exhaust everything in one post, so there will definitely be more on this. I’m also praying to get mature guys who’ve worked this path and can advice us.
Also, I’d love if you would share your story too. Be it your struggle, or how you overcame it. Your never know, it might save someone.
Email me the story plus your details and if you’d like to be anonymous or not via my email firstname.lastname@example.org
Till then, please learn from my mistakes. Don’t light the fire if you don’t want to get burnt!