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I lit a fire, and it almost burned me


I remember it clearly. That bright sunny Sunday afternoon. I was wearing my grey pleated skirt, a white blouse, socks and black bata shoes. I should have had my tie on too, but I hated ties. Still do. They made me feel like a goat tethered to a tree.

I am not sure that I fully understood what I was doing at the time; I just knew that I had to do it. I was in form four then and that particular Sunday was the culmination of our weekend challenge. The lady preaching was a strikingly beautiful woman who talked to us about how she had made a vow to God and had finished campus and gotten married while still a virgin. At the end of the sermon, she asked us all bow our heads and close our eyes. Then she said, “If you would like to make a vow to God that you will abide by His word and not have sex before marriage, please stand up.” I remember hesitating at first but finally I stood up and made that vow to God. I promised to keep His temple pure.

When I stood to make that vow, I don’t think I thought about what it meant. I only thought about the final part of sex. I didn’t actually realize that the tight hugs,  kissing – are all a part of it. It’s a whole process of collecting the wood, preparing the ground, lighting the matchbox and eventually creating a fire. A consuming fire whose embers cannot be quenched.

So when I later started dating I kept in mind the vow, but I didn’t set standards for the‘small’ things like making out. I was like, “we’ll just kiss kidogo and then we’ll stop and say goodbye.  We won’t touch or undress. It will just be a subtle way of expressing our love.” Ha! Worst move of my life.

Slowly that kissing became too mild to satisfy the cravings within. It soon graduated to a little holding, a little touching here and there. And every time while fooling around, we would gasp and be like “ Gosh! What are we doing? Let’s stop!” After which we would feel guilty, promise each other that we won’t do it again but still do it again the next time.

See when you are born again, the Holy Spirit always warns you. Before you do something, you will know if it is wrong or right. And I knew in the heart of my hearts that the small compromises were wrong, but I ignored. And every time after fooling around, I would be overwhelmed with guilt and do what Adam did. Hide! I would hide from God.I would go for days without reading the word and praying but eventually He would come looking for me and I would say “God I’m sorry, I won’t do it again. And a few days later I would be on my phone texting bae to come over for pancakes.


Sad teenager girl depressed sitting in the floor of a bridge on the beach at sunset

The cycle went on and on and with days I realized I was sinking deeper. My conscience was being seared. And Eventually, I realized that if I kept at it, one day with the perfect mood and setting, I would eventually give in and have sex.

So one day, I woke up and God reminded me of a verse I had been ignoring deliberately- 1 Corinthians 6:18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own. A few days later, I gathered all the strength in me and I broke it off.

It had to be God, or me and my desires.

Honestly, I battled with God to write this. I didn’t want to air out my baggage to the world. But I think it’s important that I do. Because many of us are going through this and if pretending that we are all perfect and good won’t help.

So to my precious little sisters,  Sandra, Lauryn and Favour. To my cousins, nieces, nephews and buddies, to you who reading this article and is struggling to stay pure and you who is already in it and wants out;

The road to sex begins with that innocent little kiss. Paul in  1 Thessalonians 5:2 says “Avoid the very appearance of sin” That means you keep away from anything that appears or resembles sin. In God’s eyes, no sin is greater than the other.

Sin is sin! If you don’t want to get burnt, don’t light the fire.

If you are in such a situation, my advice is this. RUN! Take off as fast as you can and run towards God. Your soul is more precious than a few seconds of pleasure.And even if you’ve lost your virginity, don’t worry, our God forgives and He restores. Run to Him! He is able to give you a new start.

I can’t exhaust everything in one post, so there will definitely be more on this. I’m also praying to get mature guys who’ve worked this path and can advice us.

Also, I’d love if you would share your story too. Be it your struggle, or how you overcame it. Your never know, it might save someone.

Email me the story plus your details and if you’d like to be anonymous or not via my email

Till then, please learn from my mistakes. Don’t light the fire if you don’t want to get burnt!

Love & Blessings
39 Responses
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  • Alex
    December 13, 2016

    Thanks for your honesty and encouragement. When I look back at my own journey with the Lord, I can say with sincerity – God is faithful. Just keep your trust in Him and He will help, protect and counsel you just in time!

  • Chenelle
    December 10, 2016

    Thank you for your openness and your honesty, this is so important. I’ve been struggling with this battle for quite some time and I agree the best advice is to RUN far and fast. Sex isn’t worth it, if you obey and honour God’s command He will reward you in due time. For anyone having a hard time, I suggest reading The Wait by DeVon Franklin and Meagan Good, that book really encouraged me to continue to wait for the person God has set aside for me and build a firm relationship with God in the meantime.

    • Adorned Woman Kenya
      December 10, 2016

      I’m so happy to hear so my dear. You are so right, building a firm relationship with God is so much better and fullfilling than hunting all the time for a mate and sinning each time. God will bring ua the man/woman he’s kept for us in His own time – meanwhile, lets get lost in him.
      I’m gonna look for thatbook too:-)

  • mwende
    December 6, 2016

    Aaaaw, I’ve written a draft of such kind of a piece, on sexual purity that is, but I’ve been avoiding on posting it on my blog. I’ve just been reminded on sth I read in Joyce Meyer’s book, that if you don’t do what God asks you to do,when He asks you to do it, He will ask someone else to do it. This is an encouragement and chastisement at the same time for me both as a writer and a christian. God bless you!

    • Adorned Woman Kenya
      December 8, 2016

      I know the feeling. I struggled hard to do so to, but most times obeying God’s word can be uncomfortable but rewarding in the end. Step out dear, have courage. Share your story, you never know who it will help?

  • Yvonne Mwajuma
    December 5, 2016

    The honesty is refreshing. Am sure many will be blessed by it. The bible teaches us that we should learn to handle ourselves with self control and without defrauding others. In order to learn, there is a teacher (the Holy Spirit ). Now learning may be instantaneous or progressive. Whichever it is, we all should enroll at the Holy Spirit’s school and let the learning begin!
    May God bless you for pursuing Him at the cost of a heart break!

    • Adorned Woman Kenya
      December 5, 2016

      Amen -). And you need to be among the mentors posting on the blog, you know you’ve been of great help to me.

  • Njoki
    December 5, 2016

    Reblogged this on naomnjokiw and commented:
    Feeling Thoughtful!

  • Naomi Wango
    December 5, 2016

    Great Article! Well written! and Super helpful BUT a little peck and a 20 second hug is not bad as long you have values that you strongly stand for. Anyway for all that to lead into sex, it also depends with what you are always conversing. I feel sorry for the guy who lost such a beautiful lady with a brilliant mind 🙁

    I really loved the article!

    • Adorned Woman Kenya
      December 5, 2016

      Thanks for reading Naomi. Well, God always comes first so He’ll bless the guy with another lady -). The road to sex begins with a lot, as you said, from what you see think, do, hence Paul says in Thessalonians- Avoid the very appearance (other versions say any form) of sin. And never be too sure of how strong you are, when you think you are standing you are most likely on your way to fall. 1 Corinthians 10:12

  • Maestrofficial
    December 5, 2016

    This word “Flee” was well elaborated yesterday by Baba Gitau in our Services yesterday and well.
    Flee is all we gota do which is not possible with our flesh. Have been through the same, God restores, true, but if we continually sin,… Let not a hint of sin(Sexual immorality) be mentioned amongst us, Eph 5:3
    May God help me ans us at large.

  • suewatches
    December 4, 2016

    Purity is a struggle! But we will overcome because He sanctifies us by the day.

  • Alice Ronnie
    December 3, 2016

    Wow! This is for every single lady or gentleman. The struggle is real. And we run around thinking we are better than the ones who had sex. Thanks gal. I admire your brave attitude. Many will benefit from this

  • Martha
    December 3, 2016

    This is a very inspiring article @Ivy, thanks a lot for sharing this, its true that no one is upright, we commit sins through one way or another but the problem is to seek God forgiveness with sincere hearts, what does the word of God in the book of 2choronicles 7:14 says….
    if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land. if one has involve him/herself in this its the right time to ask for forgiveness and be ready to turn away from the wicked ways and follow God’s commandments.
    Our forefathers put it in Swahili that; “Kosa Si Kosa,Kurudia Kosa Ndiyo Kosa.”

  • N. I. KERINA
    December 3, 2016

    Living a pure life is possible and I can attest to that. The problem is we are living in an environment that that is far too corrupted to accept that abstainance till marriage is achievable by any ordinary person. Personally I didnt make a vow to God to stay pure, all it takes is for one to recognize what Gods word says and to do what is right because that is what is required of us.
    Concerning the vow, it is a solemn endevour which is good. But soon the society will believe that without that vow it is not possible to stay pure because even those we see taking it end up compromising.
    Maybe our preachers should change strategy and talk to the hearts our youths, make them understand that it is possible, that it is not strange as the world has made it seem.
    A vow to stay pure will feel like a burden, many will take it because others are doing it, but a purposed decision is more fullfilling.

    • Adorned Woman Kenya
      December 5, 2016

      I hear you. The point of this is not to draw anyone to making a vow but rather to wake as up and regularize that we need God even more. we need to depend Him cause without Him, we cant even make it. David says in Psalms 119:11 I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you. With or without pastors, with or without a vow, we can only stay pure by grounding ourselves in God’s words, looking to Him for help each and every day.
      Thanks for taking time to read Kerina. God bless you

  • Carol
    December 3, 2016

    I like this post. some of us lit the fire already. the beautiful thing is God still calls you back to Himself. Purity is very important. for those who’ve not messed up, remain pure and ask the Holy Spirit to walk with you. For a person who feels like you’ve already messed up, the fire is reaching the sky, turn to God. He is waiting with his arms wide open to welcome you back home. There’s still hope for you in Christ Jesus. thanks for sharing this post. many people are going through the same things and do not know what to do or where to turn to. God bless you and keep using yo for His glory

    December 2, 2016

    Lovely piece.Most people can relate.I believe we Christians have the spirit of descernment and when we get to such situations if we’re bold enough we can overcome the temptations.
    Wow, dont light a fire if u dont want to get burnt.Wise words.
    keep us nourished with the word.we appreciate you.

    • Adorned Woman Kenya
      December 3, 2016

      All for His glory. More so may He teach us to love His word to Love Him and to soak ourselves in Him. God bless you Yvonne.

  • Ng'ang'a
    December 2, 2016

    Wow!! Amazing piece… Isn’t it funny… The so many “little gestures” lead to sex- not the other way round- once all we young Christians realise that, then we’ll be doing a pretty good job at fleeing immorality…
    Finally someone with the perfect words to describe the struggle that’s within!!

    • Adorned Woman Kenya
      December 3, 2016

      I must say those words its Him who gave them. I didn’t have a title for this post and He gave me that analogy of a fire a few seconds before posting. Our God is so real,He get the struggle we go through and if only we can go to Him instead of running away, we would always find our help. God bless you Nganga- Praying for you

  • josnduati
    December 2, 2016

    Wow this is inspiring! Avoid the very appearance of sin!!Thankyou for sharing your story Ivy because so many people especially young people relate to it!!Its a step of courage God bless you

  • […] I wrote last week’s post, I lit a fire, I had no idea what I would write next after that. I know ended the post saying that I will talk […]

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